New Years Eve Revellers

Revellers will 'flock' tonight and 'gather' and 'brave the cold' etc, we are told by the media (wonderful media).

But what the hell is a Reveller?

Is it a person in a crowd - or the actual crowd itself - who/that gathers in a public place to wave and shout at TV cameras?

I think it's both.

These Revellers surface at various times of the year, for example when the England football team play a big (usually losing as it happens) game, or recently the X Factor final night, and of course there is tonight, the big one, the Revellers Revellers night - New Years Eve.

So, if you're out and about tonight you'll see them (whooping and shouting and often throwing bottles or glasses) or if you're in and you happen to catch the TV news you'll also see them - in Trafalgar Square, Times Square in New York and in every town centre in Britain - some with TV cameras or local newspaper photographers present, some without - so, look out for them and happy revelling!

Personally I'd rather stay in blogging...

USA Holidays With Barack Obama

Apparently 13% of Britons that have booked a holiday to the USA recently have done so because of Barack Obama's election victory (why do I keep getting his name mixed up with Osama Bin Laden?).

This scares me.
How can people think like this?

Are we becoming a little bit like American tourists, some of whom (rumour has it) come over here on holiday in the hope of getting a glimpse of the Queen?

Or is it that somehow people think that the USA is suddenly going to become a much better place since the election of his holiness?

I don't know but I think one way or another the whole Obama cult thing will end in tears.

Last Christmas

I pulled my settee out from the wall at home today to retrieve something - and amazingly found a Christmas present that had been there since last Christmas!

I opened it, it was a puppy.......

The Queen's Christmas Message

I'm not going to go into details of this years Queens Christmas Message or any other years for that matter.

What I'm concerned with is just the Queens Christmas Message in principal.

I know she doesn't write the thing herself and just pretty much goes along with the order of the day and more or less toes the party line of whatever government is in at the time.

So that makes me wonder if a real bunch of true nutters got in and ordered the Queen to say absolutely anything, would she?

For example would she say that her legs were made of chocolate? 'My legs are made of chocolate'

or, perhaps, that goats are in control of us all and that they have written the speech for her?

Would she say these things (and with a straight face)?

I think she probably would.

Remember that if you listen to her message this year.

BBC News

I have just watched the BBC Six O'clock News, not something I often do - and now I know why!

The 'headlines' tonight were the story of the British hostages in Iraq who have been held for something like nineteen months.

Now this is a sad story for the families of these men granted, but there were no new developments today and the story was pretty much just reminding people of the plight of those involved - but it was NOT the main news story of the day in my opinion.

Another report on the news was about Dementia - and the reporter for this one, for some bizarre reason was standing on the street!

Why? Did she hope to grab a chance interview with a passing Dementia sufferer? I don't know.

And then, when reporting the fact that car giant Toyota has made a loss for the first time in history the newsreader referred to our current economic catastrophe as 'an economic slowdown'!

Wow!

A very sudden and disastrous slowdown I'd say - like what happens when a car hits a brick wall.

BBC News? I don't think I'll bother again for a little while...

Rachel Nickel and Crackers Police

It seems that the police investigating the Rachel Nickel murder used a psychological offender profile put together by the "real-life Cracker", psychologist Paul Britton to pursue and trap the innocent Colin Stagg.

Oh dear. The poor fools.

A year later the real killer Robert Napper, struck again killing Samantha Bisset and her young daughter Jazmine.

Good old fashioned honest police hard work would have caught Napper before he killed Nickel or Bisset because his mother had tipped off police that Napper had admitted to a rape.

They didn't follow that up of course.

But my real annoyance with all of this is that instead of police getting stuck in and grafting so to speak to find Nickel's killer they went for the glamorous option of using the aforementioned 'real life Cracker'.

Now we all know that watching too much TV is bad for you but the police took this to the limits by copying this faddy populist bullshit.

Shame on them all.

Blind Sign

I was sitting in a hospital waiting room today (long story) when I noticed on the wall a sign with a telephone number for blind people to ring.

But how would they know about it?

House Price Madness

House prices are falling and will, according to reports today, probably plummet next year.

Now forgive me if I'm wrong but to my way of thinking this whole fiasco has been caused by estate agents (rather than the usual suspects the banks).

The higher a property sells for the more money an estate agent earns - and who values the properties? Why estate agents of course!

So they are actually writing their own pay checks with other peoples money.

How could this ever work?

But who's to say that when things recover that it won't happen again?

It will.

X Factor Winner

Alexandra - no surprises there then.

Let's just hope that she turns out better than previous winners Steve, Shane and Leon.

She can't do any worse.

X Factor

Watching the X Factor final tonight (it's now 'half time) a few thoughts have struck me.

Cheryl Cole is a false bitch with fake tears a fake smile a fake 'long blink' and a fake hug.

JLS are probably the best act, Alexandra a shouter and Yogan (I know) an almost perfect stereotypical Irishman.

Thinking back to a previous episode when Britney Spears was the guest and refused to mentor the acts and refused to have her picture taken and refused to allow anyone on set to make eye contact with her.

Then when she finally appeared on stage on the night she mimed really badly and was amazingly given a standing ovation by the judges - the false creeping shallow bastards!

If I was Simon Cowell and Britney had been playing up then I'd have said to her 'fuck off Britney' and have had a Slade night or something.

Spineless X Factor twats!

Soap Opera Rubbish

This has long been apparent to me but I think I need to share it.

Every plot and story line in every soap opera is centred around one basic principle. And that principle is this:

we, the viewer know something that a key character in the story line does not, ie: Bill is having an affair with Bob's wife. We know about it but Bob doesn't, so we watch and wait to see Bob's reaction when he finds out.

And, just before Bob finds out he will be in a really good mood!

Think of any plot in any soap and it's the same.

I don't watch soaps (but I used to) and I've sussed this out - why can't regular viewers suss it out and dump the brainwashing rubbish?

Kidnapping Her Own Daughter??

Karen Mathews, the mother of Shannon Mathews has been found guilty of kidnapping her own daughter.

Kidnapping her own daughter - how does that work?!

We all know what a bad egg she is, and what she did, but surely the offence must be attempting to receive money by deception or maybe endangering her daughter or attempted fraud or wasting police time etc.

But kidnapping her own daughter how does that work ???

Severe Weather Warnings

So once again we have severe weather warnings that to say the very least are WAY over the top.

Heavy snow and high winds (ie: blizzards) and of course 'The Big Freeze'.

The severe weather of this weeks warnings only really happened in Scotland and the north (nothing unusual there) and it is after all winter!

What do we expect in winter anyhow?!

The met office have been on the defensive since the Michael Fish 'it's not a hurricane' forecast of 1997.

But Fish was of course technically right - the severe winds we had back then were NOT officially a hurricane - but he/they were very blase in not making enough of the storm force winds that were to cause chaos and death the next day.

So since then, afraid of being caught out again, the met office have over egged every weather pudding they've cooked. And the sensationalist media are only too happy to go along with them.

But I fear we shall soon see a 'cry wolf' scenario if they're not careful.

Crazy West Ham Solution!

In this weeks Mail on Sunday, respected sports writer Ian Ridley has come up with a 'solution' for the long running and bitter Sheffield United v West Ham legal battle.
Briefly (very briefly) Sheff United have been awarded £30 million (and rising) against West Ham.
Ridley's solution to all of this is for West Ham to give some players to Sheff Utd on loan, until the end of the season, free of charge.
That would be instead of the £30 million of course.
Do that he thinks, and all will be sorted.
Sounds good to me, BUT...
For starters does he really think that Sheff Utd would accept that over the £30 million?
Does he think also that the Sheff Utd supporters would really take to the (of course by now hated) West Ham players?
And does he think that the West Ham players would willingly go and then give of their best?
Speaking as an avid West Ham fan I think that in all honsety while admittedly saving the Hammers a packet the idea stinks!
I think we should pay the £30 million and have done with it.
Possibly in instalments.
How about forty quid a week?

Quantum of Solace Editing

Big film of the last few weeks at the cinema - Quantum of Solace.
It's been pretty much slated by the critics but I went to see it yesterday and I think a lot of the criticism is a bit unfair.
Having said that I have a major beef with the film.
And that beef is the quick 'cut cut' type editing thing going on in the action scenes.Each shot in any of the action scenes lasted no more than two seconds with most of them (yes I timed them) about one second or less!
This technique made it impossible to actually make out what was going on.
It was like having a load of photo's thrown in front of you very quickly - confusing!
This technique seems to be all the rage in action films at the moment (can you imagine them trying to film an action scene with one camera in one take like it was being done on the stage!) but I've never seen it done to this extent or so badly really.
To sum up - a half decent film with crazy, flashing, fit inducing, eyeball spinning, baffling action scenes!

No More UFO's?

During the 1950's up until the 1990's really, UFO sightings were all the rage.
They would crop up on the news and in the papers every week.
People would even be interviewed on (mostly local) news saying how they'd seen lights in the sky etc or 'discs'.
But then, something changed that has pretty much (as far as I can make out) stopped the sightings.
And this thing is? Mobile phones with cameras.
Most mobile phones nowadays have cameras on them, and nearly everyone nowadays has a mobile phone, so, if someone 'sees' a UFO the question will be asked of them 'why didn't you film it with your phone?'
Good question. No answer.
So people have stopped seeing them - which would suggest that it was all aload of bollocks in the first place.

Phoning Bin Laden

A radical preacher - Abu Qatada - who has been dubbed Osama bin Laden's right-hand man in Europe, has been returned to jail (in Britain) after judges agreed he might abscond.

So far so good.

Nothing odd about that, (except for the fact of course that he seems to be getting locked up for something that he might do) but what caught my eye about this story was the original bail conditions dating back to June.

One of those bail conditions (there were many) was that he does not phone Osama Bin Laden!

What!?

Don't phone Osama Bin Laden?!

How would the police know if he did?

Would they nick his phone off him and have a look at the address book for 'Osama' or perhaps 'Oz' or maybe 'Bin' and see if he'd phoned him.

Maybe they could check for text messages (also not allowed) to 'Oz' 'hi oz, txt bk plz cul8r. ab'

Come to think of it would the authorities honestly allow anyone to freely phone Osama Bin Laden?

And would Bin Laden himself happily take the calls anway?

A bizarre case all round.

Chemical Ali to Hang Again

It has been announced today that Ali Hassan al-Majid also known as Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death - again!

He's already been given a death sentence in February and today gets another one!

How does it work?

Will they hang his corpse after the first hanging has been carried out?

I wouldn't bet against it.

Embrace The Dark!

I've just been for a walk round and about my local town.

At night that is.

And in my part of Wales a walk at night, even in a built up area means a walk in the dark.
The local council (Powys) have turned two out of three street lights off to save money.
And do you know what - it's brilliant!

We've read (well I have at least) plenty of articles in recent years about light pollution - well my local council is doing something about it!

We've heard plenty recently about the depleting natural resources of the planet - well my local council is doing something about it!

We've heard for many years about our money being wasted - well my local council is doing something about it! (£230,000 saved by turning the lights off to be exact).

You don't need so many street lights as we've been used to having - two out of three turned off is about the right level of light as far as I'm concerned.

We've become coddled pussy cat's.

We leave our boiling hot centrally heated houses and get into our stuffy heated cars and drive to our stuffy heated offices and then back into our stuffy heated cars and drive back to our boiling hot centrally heated houses - we've become detached from reality.

And of course we even expect it to be light at night!

Fill the world with lights eh?

Let's have no dark.

NO.

We are a part of the planet, like it or not.

The earth turns, it goes dark, get over it.

So get back to reality - and embrace the dark!

And well done of course to my local council!

Groundhog News

What is it with the TV news nowadays that when they're talking about a big story (ie the Indian terrorist attacks) at length, they show the same clip of film over and over and over and over and over and over and over again?




The coverage of the 9/11 attacks was the first time I noticed this - I'm sure they never used to do it before - now they do it all the time.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who is driven absolutely insane by this.

It's the bloody Groundhog Day news!!

Disturbed Online Shoppers

My daughter went online today to look at buying a fridge and a sofa.

She went on the web site of a well known retailer and duly found what she was looking for - plus reviews of the products!

Reviews!

Reviews of fridges and sofas!

'Good for freezing peas' (I kid you not) and 'a very comfy sofa. Nice'.

What kind of people are these that review fridges and sofas?

But there was more. On looking deeper I found reviews of kettles: 'boiles (sic) quick', toasters: 'beautiful product!' - there were 62 reviews for one toaster alone!

And I kid you not there were even reviews of coasters: 'they look really good on my table' - what!?

I'm getting worried, there are a lot of disturbed people out there.

I think I'll stay in more.

Barack Obama Smoking

A few people have mentioned recently that Barack Obama is a heavy smoker and also one of the most photographed men on the planet, yet there are practically no photo's of him smoking.

How can this be?

Today I did a search for images of Obama (why do I keep mixing his name up with Osama Bin Laden?) and looked at five hundred of them - and you guessed it - none of them show him smoking.

Is he the real deal then, or just another manufactured politician?

Zebra Crossings

Do you, like I do, feel a nuisance when using zebra crossings?

Bizarre I know but I imagine the car drivers saying 'oh bloody hell I've got to stop now to let this idiot cross', so I've started not using them.

I've started crossing further down the road and waiting for a gap in the traffic, so I don't make a nuisance of myself.

Am I alone in this?

Children in Greed

It's Children in Need time again.

All week I've listened to on Radio 2 people bidding on 'money can't buy' prizes.

Prizes such as having your lunch cooked by a celebrity chef, or going behind the scenes at a TV show, or playing sport with a famous sportsman, or going backstage at a rock concert, or a spectacular helicopter flight, or guitar lessons from a guitar legend etc etc etc - I think you get the picture.

Well I've listened to this at work this week with my workmates and we're all like 'ooh that would be nice' etc.

Then I thought, here we are the ordinary plebs, listening to probably bloated fat cat rich bastards treating themselves to things we could only dream of and at prices we can only marvel at!

The greedy spoilt bastards!

I know it all goes to a very deserving cause and all that, (I'm obviously not having a go at the children!) but to be honest, in spite of that the whole 'spoil myself greed fest' leaves an extremely bad taste in the mouth!

The Living Dead

Whilst out shopping recently I came across quite a few examples of what I believe to be a pretty new species of old human beings.

This species is 'The Living Dead'.

'Zombies', if you like.

'Walking Corpses' also sadly springs to mind.

These people have been saved by and are at the same time the victims of medical science.

I'm not being nasty (well I suppose that I am) but there are so many old people out and about nowadays (and MANY more behind closed doors) who look, and move, like zombies.

Medical science has kept them alive way past the stage that their bodies have given up, but the most ghastly aspect of all of this is that medical science of the body far outstrips medical science of the mind.

And of course what this means is that people's bodies survive (just), enough to go out and move around (slowly) but the brains are fucked!

They shuffle about here and there hardly remembering why they came out of the house and oblivious to all those around them as they block up supermarket isles and the like.

I'm not making fun of these people nor do they annoy me - I feel for them - but I wonder what, for example, awaits me - and my children for that matter.

Will medical science keep us alive for hundreds of years with the body working (just) but with the brain having turned to confused and terrified mush years ago.

This is why I believe there is so much Alzheimer's and dementia - because people are being kept alive longer than their natural lifespan, and of course the body keeps on going but the brain packs up.

I'm not arguing for euthanasia, but just reflecting on a scary and increasingly more common phenomenon that I see around me all of the time.

Savage Toothbrush Packaging

Today my wife bought me a new toothbrush.

It took me a full five minutes to get it out of it's packet!

I kid you not.

The packaging at the front was that hard plastic.

Bullet proof plastic I think.

I couldn't budge it.

The packaging at the back was hard cardboard with a 'cut here' type perforated line.

I couldn't budge that either.

I considered using a scissors to open the damned thing - but I wouldn't be defeated and continued 'by hand'.

After a full five minutes of wriggling, twisting, turning, pulling and squeezing the bloody thing, I finally got into it.

WHY???

Why the insane Fort Knox packaging on a friggin toothbrush!?

Why can't they just sell them loose?

How would an elderly person open such a thing? (Scissors - I know).

There really is no need, so much packaging and wrapping in the world - no wonder the landfill sites are bursting at the seams!

PS, ever tried opening a shrink wrapped DVD lately?

I've got one I had last Christmas that I tried to open Christmas day, gave up and it's still shrink wrapped now!

Transport Conveyor Belt

It has occurred to me of late that the current main road system in Britain is a bit like a 'Transport Conveyor Belt'.

That is, rather than get in your car and drive independently to your destination, turning here, turning there, overtaking etc, you just firstly wait to 'jump on' to the Conveyor Belt (gap in the traffic) then, at the same speed and (obviously) in the same direction as the rest of the conveyor belt you just drift towards your destination.

You are usually in a cue behind a slow moving vehicle and rarely will there be a time on the entire journey when there isn't a car behind you and in front of you.

I've been on it this morning, and I can tell you that today, the Conveyor Belt is moving slowly.

Bonfire Weekend!?

It's just been announced on the local TV news that 'we hope you have a safe bonfire weekend'.

What !!

What the fuck is bonfire weekend!

There is a thing in this country called Guy Fawkes Night.

That is on November the 5th. Which this year is on a Wednesday.

Wednesday is not, of course, at the weekend.

Guy Fawkes Night celebrates the foiling of the plot by Fawkes and his Catholic cohorts to blow up Parliament in 1605.

It has traditionally been celebrated in this country (Britain I mean) ON the 5th of November (Remember remember the 5th of November gunpowder treason and plot) by building a bonfire and burning a 'Guy' on the bonfire.

Fireworks have in my lifetime at least been a part of the tradition but now the health and safety Nazis, PC left wingers and big business have taken over.

Having a 'bonfire weekend' (two actually - this week and next) has got to be more profitable for the many big brewery owned pubs who organise fireworks displays.

The health and safety Nazis have pretty much killed off the bonfire element of the night, and the left wingers are carefully and quietly getting rid of the Guy Fawkes bit to suppress British history and culture.

So, Guy Fawkes Night on the 5th of November with all it's historic traditions that have been celebrated for hundreds of years has now been replaced by a left wing influenced corporate sponsored historically sterile Bonfire Weekend.

Bankers

So the banks have cocked it all up for us by lending too much money to people.

So, logically (?) the governments of the world give (or is it loan?) the banks money so that they can start lending to us again.

But now the banks are in trouble for not lending money to us at the moment.

Am I missing something here?

Ghosts Farting

Ever been with a group of friends and had one of those 'phew was that you?' moments?

A distinct 'aroma' that no-one will own up to and everyone in the group is absolutely adamant that it wasn't them?

Or, ever been on your own somewhere and the same 'phew' thing happens?

You smell that smell and it most certainly isn't you?

But you're the only one there and if it wasn't you then who else could it have been?

Well I think I've got the answer.

It came to me some time ago and I'm convinced I'm right.

I think it's ghosts farting!

It makes perfect sense if you think about it, so the next time that it happens to you (and you know it will) you'll know just what it is, and if you're in a group then you can share the knowledge with your friends, and if you're alone - don't be scared!

Planet Earth Reserve

I've often likened planet earth to a wildlife reserve.

Perhaps, I've thought from time to time, that we (all the species on earth), like the animals in the reserve have been put here by someone/thing who has sat back, let us pretty much get on with things, and of course observed us for his/her/their enjoyment.

We humans, like the animals in the reserve do not know what's going on but have a rough idea that there may be more to things than we truly know of (the animals in the reserve of course see humans, vehicles, aeroplanes etc etc but obviously don't quite know what it's all about).

Now, things on the planet earth reserve have gone a bit wrong.

One species (humans) have surged ahead of all the others and are pretty much mucking things up for all the other species.

They're pretty much mucking things for themselves too, with greed, poverty, war, want, a loss of faith, religious mania and the worship of money and possessions above all else.

So the beings that put us here have to step in.

Just like us running our nature reserves they can't just plough in.

They have to shift things subtely.

They have to make little, but quite obvious changes that will over time push us in the direction that they want us to go.

That's what we'd do to our wildlife reserves and I think that's what they'd do to us.

So how would they do this?

Well how about bringing about the collapse of the thing that peddles the new God and so called root of all evil (money), that is the Global Financial System.

And to snap us all out of our seemingly detatched from nature current state, how about catastrophic climate change?

Just a thought.

Going To The Pictures

I went to the pictures (Cinema sounds a bit posh to me) on Saturday with my four year old daughter to watch Wall E.
A great film (I fell asleep eight times), but what got me was the overpriced, overcomplicated, over here (Americanised) experience of the whole thing.
Firstly I'm asked by a nice young female assistant 'would you like a Premier seat TODAY sir?'
Why is it that all these people who work in call centres, online sales or any big retail outlet always overuse the word TODAY when talking to you?
Watch out for it.
So, in answer to the question 'would you like a premier seat today sir?' I answer'no but I'd like one YESTERDAY'.
No response,so I ask 'what IS a premier seat today sir?'to which I'm told that it is a 'BIGGER seat with more leg room'How could I refuse?So I say yes I'd love a premier seat today sir!But it's a pound dearer.
So I decline.
Then, my daughter would like popcorn.
So I order a small popcorn and a medium Tango Orange for myself.I'm about to pay (a nice young male assistant - refreshments dealt with by a separate assistant than ticket sales) when a second young man comes along and says that actually if you have a medium Tango Orange and a medium popcorn it works out cheaper than having a medium Tango Orange and a small popcorn because you're then having something called a Medium Super Saver!
Well that'll do me!
They then get their heads together and work out that if I have a small Tango Orange and a small popcorn then because it's the Saturday Matinee I qualify for a free medium popcorn AND a free bar of chocolate!!

Fucking hell!!!!!!!

This is complicated - I'm gonna miss the film at this rate! So I say 'PLEASE! Just a medium Tango Orange and a medium (cheaper super saver of course) popcorn.
Thank you.
'Medium!!??
The orange was in a bucket sized container and the popcorn!
Well the popcorn I ate non stop (with the aid of my daughter) for about fifteen minutes and when I looked down at the container I had hardly dented it!
Too many more fims at this cinema and I'd need the Premier (bigger) seat for sure.
There were people there that were buying so much food that they had to get the assistants to help them carry it in! Nacho's and dips and Dorito's and all sorts of stuff.
Madness.

Then, during the film: MUNCH MUNCH RUSTLE RUSTLE MUNCH FUCKING MUNCH!!!!!

Dear me it's a wonder I slept at all.
But with all this complication, noise, eating and a full thirty minutes of adverts and trailers I was absolutely knackered by the time the film started!

Twelve quid for the two of us to get in and eight quid for the refreshments, all in all a great afternoon out (or is it in?) and worth every penny!

Dave's Teeth

Dave's Teeth My mate Dave likes a drink.He likes a drink in the day.

He doesn't go out at night 'too many nutters'.Now the other day a funny thing happened to him after he'd had 'a drink'.
He lost his teeth.

Not his real teeth (he hasn't got any) but his false teeth. The bottom set to be exact, the top set are still intact.
When he left the pub he has it on good authority from the people he cheerily and smilingly waved goodbye to that he did without question at this point in time still have his teeth. Both top and bottom sets.
By the time he'd got home - literally some one hundred and fifty yards away - his bottom set had gone.
He doesn't know how.He just knows that when he got in the house and sat down that his teeth had gone.
He tells me that he sat down and thought 'bugger'.He thought that he'd better go back onto the street and look for the damned things.He thought about this for a little while and then, well, he must have drifted off because the next thing he knew it was dark.

He couldn't go and look for them in the dark (nutters) so he'd go in the morning.He slept in the chair all night and then, dishevelled, in the morning went to look for his teeth.Naturally he couldn't find them.He walked up and down both sides of the road but to no avail.

Someone must have nicked them he thought, but who and why?We'll never know.

So now he's wearing an old set that don't fit properly - he can't afford a new set he assures me, what with the credit crunch and all.

But the thing about this story that really sticks in my mind is the thought of Dave - a middle aged and respectable man - who admitedly likes a drink (or two) during the day - the thought of him leaving the pub in broad daylight and being on the street with shoppers etc bustling past and amongst all of this Dave's teeth fall out of his mouth into the street and he carries on his way oblivious!

I can imagine a passer by witnessing this (as several surely must have), Dave with his sensible clothes and hair and a Daily Express tucked under his arm, they glance at him and his teeth fall out of his mouth into the street and he doesn't even notice.

Strange times indeed.